Computer Vocabulary for the Newbie
- BIT
- A word used to describe computers, as in "Our daughter's computer
cost quite a bit."
- BOOT
- What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging
about your computer skill.
- BUG
- What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen
for more than 15 minutes. Also: What computer magazine companies do to you
after they get you on their mailing list.
- CHIPS
- The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid
having to leave their keyboards for meals.
- COPY
- What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much
time at your computer and not enough time studying.
- CURSOR
- What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as
in "You %@& computer!"
- DISK
- What goes out of your back after bending over a computer keyboard
for seven hours at a clip.
- DUMP
- The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install
your computer.
- ERROR
- What you made when you first walked in to look."
- EXPANSION UNIT
- The new room you have to build on to your home to house
your computer and all its peripherals.
- FILE
- What a secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day,
now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.
- FLOPPY
- The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of
exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see "CHIPS").
- HARDWARE
- Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you
haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer.
- IBM
- The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to
drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to them again.
- MENU
- What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll
be too poor to eat in a restaurant.
- MONITOR
- Often thought to be a word associated with computers, this word
actually refers to those obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall
pass at school.
- PROGRAMS
- Those things you used to look at on your television before you
hooked your computer up to it.
- RETURN
- What lots of people do to their computers after only a week and a
half.
- TERMINAL
- A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals
on hot computers.
- WINDOW
- What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a
program that took you three days to set up.
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